Let’s be honest—everyone loves a good pep talk. There’s a keep your chin up and a look on the bright side. Positivity can be powerful, uplifting, and comforting. What happens, though, when there is too much positivity? What if, instead of helping, it ends up silencing pain and creating more harm than good? That’s where toxic positivity comes in.
You may have experienced toxic positivity if you’ve ever felt bad for being sad, told to just be grateful, or embarrassed to be having a hard time because other people have it worse. And you’re not alone. It’s a common emotional trap, and it can quietly block the healing process. So, let’s talk about it—what toxic positivity really is, how to recognize it, and how you can break free from its grip so you can truly begin to heal.
Understanding Toxic Positivity: What It Really Is
Toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset no matter how bad or painful a situation is. It’s the overgeneralization of a ‘positive vibes only’ culture, where all negative emotions and discomfort are ignored in favor of constant cheerfulness and are brushed aside, often under the guise of encouragement.
It sounds like:
- Just think positively!
- At least it’s not worse.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- Don’t be so negative.
Even though these phrases may not mean anything bad or even be helpful, they can make someone feel bad, especially if they are going through emotional pain, trauma, or loss.
Why Toxic Positivity Is a Problem for Mental Health
The biggest issue with toxic positivity is that it dismisses real emotions. The impact of toxic positivity is often overlooked, but it can have lasting effects on emotional health. It tells them to hide their problems, smile, and move on instead of giving them a place to feel and talk about them. And that’s not healing—that’s hiding.
Here’s why toxic positivity can hurt more than it helps:
It Suppresses Emotions
You start to feel like your pain doesn’t matter when people tell you over and over to look on the bright side. Also, this kind of emotional suppression can silently build into deeper mental health issues.
It Delays Healing
We can only start to heal when we accept and sit with our pain. Denying it doesn’t help. Toxic positivity delays the emotional work needed to process trauma and move forward.
It Increases Shame
If you’re struggling with negative feelings like sadness, anger, or fear, you might start to think that something is wrong with you. This shame makes you feel even further away from healing on an emotional level.
The Power of Emotional Honesty in Promoting Mental Well-Being
Let’s change the subject. What if, instead of pushing positivity, we started promoting emotional honesty?
Being emotionally honest doesn’t mean wallowing in sadness—it means allowing yourself to ‘feel’ without judgment. It means saying, “This is hard right now,” and knowing that’s okay. So, it’s all about making space for your full range of positive and negative emotions, not just the sunny ones.
Here’s the truth: Being vulnerable is not a weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do. Real personal growth comes from letting yourself feel pain and grief and even fall apart occasionally.
How to Overcome Toxic Positivity and Cultivate Authenticity
You don’t need to push these away. Allowing yourself to feel genuine emotions leads to healing. You can start to heal more honestly and healthily by following these steps:
Validate Your Feelings
Start by telling yourself: “It’s okay to feel what I’m feeling.” Every feeling has a reason for being. Anger can help you figure out what went wrong. Further, these difficult emotions carry valuable insight and deserve your attention. You don’t need to push these away.
Practice Mindful Listening
If a friend shares something hard, resist the urge to cheer them up right away. Listen instead. Take a seat with their pain. Say something like, “That sounds really hard.” “I’m here for you.” That’s often more healing than any motivational quote.
Avoid Comparison
Your pain is valid, even if someone else has it worse. Struggle isn’t a competition. You are allowed to hurt—and to heal—without guilt.
Journal Honestly
If you don’t feel comfortable saying things out loud yet, writing in a journal can be one of the best coping strategies for expressing your feelings and getting through hard times. Be raw, be real, and express your true feelings without judgment.
Surround Yourself with Safe People
Find people who let you be who you are, even when you’re messy, emotional, happy, broken, or whole. Whether it’s a friend, therapist, or support group, connection is key. Don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional if you need support.
You Don’t Have to Be Positive All the Time to Be Okay
You don’t have to be happy all the time to be worthy, strong, or successful. This is one of the freeing things you can understand.
Healing is not linear. There will be days when you feel like you’ve taken over the world and days when you’ll be happy just getting out of bed. That’s okay—that’s real life—and honoring your emotional experience is a key part of healing.
From Scars to Strength: Recognizing Toxic Positivity
We live in a world that often praises strength but misunderstands what it really looks like. Being strong doesn’t mean smiling through pain. It means being honest about your problems and choosing to face them for your emotional health. If you’re trying to heal, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re not too much. Also, you are not weak for feeling deeply—in fact, embracing your full self is essential for emotional well-being and a healthier emotional journey.
Fabiola Rower’s ‘Beautiful Scars’ is a testament to the power of facing life’s deepest wounds with courage and honesty. She tells us about her hard childhood, mental pain, and how writing helped her get better. When people expect you to be ‘fine’ when you’re not or to smile when your heart is heavy, take a deep breath and let that weight go. You’re allowed to feel it all. Therefore, let this book remind you that your scars aren’t signs of weakness—they prove you survived.
